For a Long Time When I was a Child
Papi, missing your presence here on earth…
“For a long time when I was a child I slept with my father everynight it was something he discouraged, but quietly encouragedwith his acceptance
I would sneak out of my room ready to battle the dark shadowsof spirits only children are known to see and I would pray a prayermy father taught me a prayer that was a shield from danger and Iwould pray this prayer about a Guardian Angel and I’d run throughthe hall of darkness into his bedroom
When I arrived I would catch my child-like breath gather mythoughts together and calm my little beating heartI would have battled any monster any demon or ghost for thechance of having my father’s body next to mine
Once near him I would sink into the hollow of his backcurl there like a fetus growing straight out of his spineand when he moved in his sleep I would clench my leg upon hiship to make sure he would not leave me
My leg there cropped on top of his hairy thigh was an emotionalalarm clock any movement he made would immediately register tomy heart and I would awaken from the deepest sleep for it was asif in sleeping with him I was sheltered from the cold hands ofdeath for he was to me both mother and father he was my safetymy life force
My father never betrayed my trust he was awed by the strength ofmy love my devotion later when my mind grew to be a woman’smind and I had thoughts other than the ones that came from himit was then he felt utterly betrayed by my womanhood.”
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