Zen

Sometimes I think of her, and I cannot believe that she is gone. Sometimes I think of him and I cannot believe that he is gone too.  She consistently taught us about impermanence, how things change and will continue to change. Nothing ever stays the same, but it is how we adapt to the changes in our lives that makes the difference.

In our meditation practice, she would say, “We sit for the benefit of others,” and since then, these words surface in my mind from day to day, that is how can I be of service to reduce the suffering of other, and that’s how we are call to this work, to sit in silence with another and hear their most intimate thoughts.  Mindful practices teach me to be in presence. Mindful practice can be sitting in formal meditation, but it can also be prayer, and art, and any contemplative practice that allows you to be with the deepest part of you in a moment, a precious moment and to live inside of that moment.

We sit to benefit others.

That’s how I come to meditation to find the me that can be in presence with another and with myself, to honor them and me, to listen deeply to them and myself.

I have been thinking about the me that sits in meditation,  the me sitting silently allowing thoughts to pass undisturbed. I thought, when I sit the me that I am  surfaces even more. If I were to sit to avoid a me that is critical, or the childhood part that I sent to  exile, the truth is the part will surface, knocking on the door of my soul, she will surface ever so brightly to remind me, “I am here, please listen”. 

I sit to allow the part of me that is whole and true, to surface, taking a peek, to come out. She is the part of me that is calm, curious, compassionate, can hold me when I am feeling broken and say, “it will be ok”, and like the teacher said a meditation practice is allowing the inside to come outside.

Once when we sat quietly she would startle us with her words of wisdom, “this is an inside and outside practice,” she’d say. I still hear her voice when I close my eyes.

I believe that when I am able to embrace all of my parts, then I am the most myself,  I am able to create with ease and flow. I love everything without attachment and regret. I am grateful. Forgiving.

It is when I sit. In meditation, it is then that all parts of me merge, and  they can hold each other like old friends and then I see me.

So, take out your journal and write a few thoughts about what has surfaced as you read these words, and talk to yourself about the many parts within.